Subway Brings Back Jared as a Spokesman

Company Hopes People Didn’t Know About Legal Difficulties

Annapolis (SPP) – Faced with declining sales, Subway Restaurant announced a controversial new marketing strategy today involving Jared Fogle. Fogle came to fame in 2000, after losing 200 lbs on a Subway diet. He later went on to become a successful spokesman for the company and played a major role in driving sales. Fogle was later convicted in 2015 of possessing child pornography and was sentenced to 15 years in Federal Prison. After his arrest, Subway initially terminated its relationship with Fogle.

The disgraced spokesman will not be able to appear in any new ads or give interviews because of Federal Bureau of Prisons regulations, but Subway plans to resurrect old ads, after digitally enhancing them. Patrons to Subway, like the one on Main Street in Annapolis, will be greeted by a lifesized cardboard cutout of Fogle holding his “fat jeans”.

“I’m really excited,” Subway Chief executive Suzanne Greco said. “We’re losing money left and right today, so the marketing we are doing now just isn’t working. Plus it is costing us a ton of money in storage fees to hold all of those Jared cutouts.”

Greco also noted that they were able to sign Fogle for a fraction of what they paid him before. “The guy’s pretty desperate, so he’ll  work for practically nothing,” Greco said.

Greco noted that Subway had record growth when Fogle was their spokesman and they had to do something to “shake things up” in the current environment. She stated that most people “really don’t pay attention to the news” and probably weren’t aware of Fogle’s conviction. But even if they remembered it, Greco didn’t think it would make much of a difference. “Just because the guy likes little kids doesn’t mean our subs aren’t healthy,” Greco said. “Child sex offender or not, the Subway diet works. That’s what’s important and that’s what drives sales.”